“So… now what do we do?” says Mike.
“We get everything for the movie. Snacks are already gotten, we just need to get the movie and hide the snacks.” says Vicky.
“Wait, you haven’t even gotten the movie yet? Wow…” says Ryan.
“Shut it. Ok, Mike, you Ryan, and Rick go hide the snacks in the spare room and jam the door in a way that you can open it later. I’m going to get the movie from where I hid it.”
“Hold on, I never signed up to help.” says Rick.
“And why do you get the easy job?” says Ryan.
“Well, if you three want to go into the girls wing and maybe run into Sarge there, fine by me.”
The three stay silent a moment, until Ryan softly says,“... We’ll put the snacks in the backroom.”
“What was that?” says Vicky.
“We’ll put the snacks in the backroom! Christ, I don’t know how this is a gloat!”
“Because I don’t have to move those snacks again, I just have to stand guard,” says Vicky.
“You asshole!” says Rick.
“Sorry, couldn’t quite catch that over your bitching!” says Vicky as she steps into the elevator. The elevator doors shut and she heads up to the Barracks. The three just stare, dumbfounded.
“Wait, we could have just refused to help…” says Rick, looking like he just lost his will to live.
“We can STILL refuse to help,” says Ryan, starting to look more infuriated by the second.
“Nope, uh uh, we don’t want another Texan Barbeque,” says Mike.
“... What?” says Rick.
“You know, the Vicky Debacle…” says Ryan. They all shiver, remembering the smell of barbeque that fateful morning. Then the screams.
“Still, she wouldn’t get to that level of rage from something like this.” says Rick, trying to comfort himself.
“Do you really want to take that chance?” says Mike. With that, they all get to work.
“Wait, what about all the chocolate? And all the other stuff that will melt? Is there a big enough freezer for it?” asks Rick.
“... Change of plans, we’re taking all the mini fridges too,” says Mike.
“Hold on, that’s not a good idea. People are already going to go insane over not being able to get snacks, what about if we take their lunches, too?” asks Rick.
“Look, I honestly just want this nightmare to be over with. That will be approximately as horrible as the other option, so might as well. Already one foot in the grave,” says Ryan.
“Fair enough.” says Rick. With that, they head towards the elevator. However, before they can even push the button, they get a nasty surprise…
“Prepare for war,” says Sargeant Enden as soon as the doors open.
“Prepare for war. People are noticing the loss of snacks, and Mark Kervon is heading the investigation for the Nerd Room.”
“... Already?!!” says Mike.
“Yup, you have about ten minutes to hide your shit before he and whatever team he assembles gets here. Also, if anyone asks, don’t tell them jack shit. Act incredibly angry. Wait, where’s Mendoza?”
“She went to go get the movie from her bunk.” says Ryan.
“Ok, I’ll go warn her. You guys get to work.”
“Actually… we need to go get some mini fridges.” says Rick.
“... Are you insane? If they don’t kill you for the snacks, they will-”
“If we don’t get them, there won’t be any point in getting the snacks!” says Mike, as if though he’s making some kind of heroic sacrifice.
“... But there’s a giant freezer in the backroom, big enough to hide everyone in the building.” says Madelyn.
“Oh… change of plans then…” says Mike, deflated.
“Anyways, you guys probably only have 8 minutes left until they start looking. Get to work!” They all start frantically scooping up the bags of snacks and running them to the freezer.
However, before Madelyn gets to the elevator, Rick yells out, “Hey, can you help us with this after you warn Vicky!”
“No, I’m going to watch the shit storm she and Mike created with my husband.”
“Uh uh uh, you didn’t say the magic word!” says Madelyn as she gets into the elevator.
“Please!” yells Mike!
“That wasn’t it!” says Madelyn.
“Then what’s the word!” yells Rick.
“Guys, it’s obvious. Haven’t either of you read the book?” says Ryan.
“No!” says Ryan.
“What book?!!” desperately yells Mike.
“Uncultured swines!” yells out Madelyn as the elevator doors close. The elevator doors close, and she heads up.
“... It was Mr. Goodbytes…” says Ryan.
“Unless she was using the password from the Telltale game, then it would be ‘Studry’,” interjects Rick.
“There is a Jurassic Park book?” questions Mike.
Ignoring Mike, Ryan says, “No one speaks of that game… no one…”
Vicky searches through her backpack, looking for one of the movies she always brings with her, in case they randomly implement a movie night. Everyone called her crazy! But no, it is they who are crazy for not planning ahead! “Why do you always bring Bladerunner with you, Vicky?” “Why do you have The Godfather in your backpack?” They laughed! But now, it is I who shall be laughing when they see that we’re watching a movie, and they can’t even pick their own movie! I-
“Hey Vicky, you in there?”
“Oh, um, yes Sarge!” calls back Vicky. Madelyn walks in and stares down at the mess she’s made on the floor.
“... Are you even close to finding the movie?” Vicky picks up a random movie from her backpack without looking at it, hoping that Sargeant Enden doesn’t pay too much attention to what it is.
“Got it right here!”
“Great, now get the mess cleaned up.” Vicky looks down at the cartridge and realizes, that by some stroke of insane fortune, she pulled out Jurassic Park.
“Also, thought I should let you know some people are making an investigative team to find the snacks.”
“... wait, wha-” But by then Madelyn’s already gone. … Uh oh.
Madelyn heads up to the locker rooms, ready to change out of her uniform. Usually she’d keep it on, and by now she’d be making her squad practice army crawling, but since they’re just watching a movie, might as well wear something comfortable. She reaches for her combination padlock, and turns the dial. It goes through 3 full rotations before resting on the number 14. She turns it the other way one full rotation before stopping at the number 36. Then she turns it to 45 and pulls it down. It unlocks, and she opens her locker. She’s immediately gifted the scent of sea water from her clothes from the day before, but she has another pair of comfyer clothes to the side of them. However, she realizes something. All the items she had with the day before are probably in her old clothes. She searches through her pockets and finds her wallet, keys, and her incredibly cracked and waterlogged phone.
“Holy shit. I wonder if it even still works,” Madelyn questions.
“Taylor! I’m done!” yells Mark.
He begins racing towards the elevator, but Taylor calls out, “Great! Is your team ready?”
“What? You’re an investigator, why aren’t you assembling an incredible team of investigators to find the snacks! This is of the highest urgency!” says Taylor, hoping to play to Mark’s fun side.
“... You’re right! I’ll assemble them first!” “Don’t forget the half hourly updates!” Mark runs back into the room, eager to assemble his ultimate team. … Well, I guess that gives Madelyn some more time thinks Taylor. Think of the devil, and she shall appear. DING DING DING!!!! Madelyn walks out of the elevator and straight to Taylor.
“Well, they’ve been warned. They’re still throroughly screwed, though.”
“What? Why? They should be able to hide it all in however long it takes them to get to that floor.”
“... No, they can’t… Nope... Not them.” says Madelyn, quietly.
“... Um… Wh-”
“Ok, imagine a chair that whenever you sit in it, you see and feel and go through every single disappointment in every possible life across all infinite universes and you can’t get up from it. Each one is a school filled with those chairs.” says Madelyn.
“... Remember how I brought up the ice cream?”
“... Um… yes?”
“Ok, how do you think I knew that the ice cream was gone?”
“... They told you?”
“Yuh huh... Kind of. Rick told me to ask them what happened to the ice cream.”
“Wait, Rick’s in on this too?”
“And Ryan.... kinda. Those two kinda just stumbled into it after comng down to investigate the screaming,” says Madelyn.
“Anyways, then I asked ‘Well, what happened to the ice cream?’, and they said ‘yeah… it melted…’ ‘Well, that’s reasonable. I mean, you should have had the foresight to find a place to put it all, but I guess that’s not THAT bad.’”
“So then they said, ‘Actually, sir... um… we knew that the freezer was in the back room, we just didn’t put the ice cream in it…’”
“No way!” Taylor bursts out laughing.
“You know what the worst part is?”
“Not the fact that they let the ice cream melt, not the fact that they just let it melt even though they knew where the freezer was, and not even the fact they pulled this whole stunt in the first place. It’s that they told me that. They didn’t have to tell me that! Not even Rick and Ryan knew that part!” Taylor laughs even harder, drawing the attention of all the people outside his tinted windowed, sound muffled office.
“You have a point there. I guess I can see why you’re so disappointed.”
“Mm hmm… anyways, how are things going around here?”
“Oh, I just sent Mark to assemble a team of investigators!”
“... Dear god this is going to be hilarious.” As soon as Madelyn says that, the door to the office swings open.
“How’s this for a team?” Madelyn looks and sees 4 analysts in total, as well as one of the greenbacks. Mark and Sophia Kervon, husband and wife, Nathan Xeran (Rick’s brother), and Bruce Wethinatcher, Taylor’s third in command, right behind Mark. There is also Sarah Arlian, the Soldier of the group.
“... A mighty fine team, if I do say so myself. Also, be sure to let everyone know that anyone is allowed to join the investigation at any time, and I mean EVERYONE.”
“Sure thing boss! Snacks Force, roll out!” The group walks out, chuckling over the pun.
“... Snacks Force?” asks Madelyn.
“... I think it’s supposed to be a play on X-Force?” says Taylor.
“... I can see it. But are we going to sit here, or are we going somewhere we can view the chaos?” asks Madelyn.
“Hmm… but where would that be, specifically?”
“... Well, I guess we’ll just have to wait until we hear chaos.”
Commander Olsen’s Office
“Jesus Christ, things are going insane over here.” says Commander Olsen to his phone.
“That’s what you get for being so chill with your soldiers!” says Commander Salra over her phone from the hectic place that is Manhattan Bridge.
“Yeah, yeah. Heard it before. Christ, there’s rival factions, fucking gang signs, a snack war, rival teams of snackstigators, a fucking secret plot to watch a movie, and through all this the head of the analytics department and the Sargeant of one of my squads, the most serious people in this whole building, lost a child and have been goofing off all day and laughing.”
“Yeah, this whole saga is bullshit. Anyways, I need your help.”
“What? You want me to come straighten them out for you?” says Commander Salra.
“Not quite. I’m sure you heard about my failed attempt to lure it away from the city…”
“Yes… I’m so sorry for your loss…”
“... Thanks… But I wanted to ask a favor of you.”
“... Um… what’s the favor?”
“I need you to send a retrieval team out to where the helicopter crashed to see if you can find their dog tags for their families. If not, then maybe look for some stuff the creature left behind, like a fragmented scale or tooth, so that we can send that to a lab to do some DNA testing so we might be able to compare it to other Titans and maybe figure out what it can do?”
“... I’m not entirely sure that’s how DNA works…”
“... Well, it didn’t used to. But recently some scientific gizmo based around DNA let scientists figure out Scylla could spew liquid nitrogen, I don’t know much about it. All I know is that my head of analytics, as well as some others have said that would work.”
“... I mean-”
“Please Diane. It might be our only shot at effectively planning a way to kill this creature.”
“... I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you, Diane.”
“Your welcome. But this will cost you something.”
“... What would it cost?”
“A favor. I can’t tell you what it is yet, but it’s a big one.”
“It’s a deal.”
“Alright. Goodbye, Zach!”
“See you later!” Zachary hangs up the phone. Well… that went well. Zach leans back in his chair and thinks to himself about the current state of matters in this building. … I’ve completely failed at keeping a disciplined force, haven’t I? Suddenly, Zach hears knocking at his door…
If people weren't lazy, we wouldn't try to be efficient. If we weren't efficient, we'd never get anything done.
Frickin mini-fridges... lol
Zwei Wing is the best singing duo. Change my mind.
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