Original Idea By: Dantefrancis
Made In Collaboration With:
Titan Of Water
Chapter 8: The Demon Returns
Location: Mount Fuji, Japan.
“WAKE THE FUCK UP MOTHREFUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!!!!!” Rodan startles awake. Ah shit, here we go again. The traditional wake up call for Kaiju; a call to action. The thing Godzilla hates and Ghidorah always does. Waking everyone up. Well, at least I can enjoy the time I’m allowed to be awake. At least until Godzilla gets here. Rodan gets up and begins to exit the cave. However, when he arrives he realizes that everything looks almost exactly the same as when he went to sleep. No trees have fallen, the human colony hasn’t gotten larger, nothing. Wait, has it only been one night since I fell asleep? Shit. Rodan doesn’t really care all that much though, and flies off to find something to hunt. Sure he can go find a radiation source, but when he does the humans always fight him over him. Little bastards. Not like they have any use for the radiation. He goes off looking for another pod of orcas, dolphins, or whales. However, as he’s flying over the beach he sees something. The demon. FUUUUUCK!!!! He flies down to deal with it, but as he does he can see that all its wounds have healed. “BITCH, HOW DARE YOU STILL LIVE?!!!!” The demon looks up at him, and then looks shocked. “Bitch, how dare YOU still live?!!!” replies the demon. This is beyond science. No Kaiju should heal THAT fast. “Bitch, didn’t I say to get the FUCK out of here?” roars Rodan. “Bitch, I don’t care!” “FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, GET THE **** OUT OF HERE OR I’LL KILL YOU THIS TIME!” “You already tried that bitch, and look how that worked out for ya! If you could fight for shit, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now!” “GOD DAMN IT YA FUCKING DEMON ASS BITCH!!” “Fucking lava-bird ass bitch!” “I AIN’T NO LAVA BIRD!” “THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?!!” “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?!!!!” “I ALREADY SAID THIS!!!” “YOU THINK I’D REMEMBER THAT?!!!” “For fucks sake, I’m Wraith. I’m not a demon.” Says “Wraith” in a smug tone. Mr. Lava Bird, imitating her tone, “For fucks sake, I’m Rodan. I’m not a lava bird.” “You look like one to me.” “BITCH I’M A PTEROSAUR!!!” “Same difference!” “WHAT EVEN IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A WRAITH AND A DEMON?!!! WRAITHS ARE JUST WEAKER DEMONS!!!!” “I DIDN’T CHOOSE MY NAME!!!! AND THEY ARE VERY DIFFERENT!!!!!” Rodan sighs. This is getting nowhere. It’s like he’s yelling at himself at this point; they’re just repeating what the other is saying like children. “Look, just get out of here. This is my territory; my island. No other titans allowed, got it? And last time you tried to fight me for it, didn’t end so well for you, did it?” “BITCH YOU ATTACKED ME!!!” “You wouldn’t leave!” “I kept saying I was just passing through!” Wai wha- “I just wanted to go!” “THEN FUCKING GOOOOOOOO!!!!!” “I CAN’T!!!!” “WHY THE HELL NOT?!!!!” “My arm’s broken!” “SO?!!! YOU JUST LEVITATE!!!” “I CAN’T WITHOUT ALL MY ARMS DUMBASS.” “Seriously? What kind of dumbass flying method is that?” “Says the guy who if I were to poke a hole into his wing would-” “I get it, I get it. But can’t you at least swim? Or… warp?” “Not a good swimmer, and I can’t warp that far, at least not right now or without all my arms.” “Shit... “ Rodan thinks. How is he going to get her out of here? He probably can’t carry her, and he doesn’t want to touch her… Don’t judge, she looks so slimy! EWW!!! There isn’t a way he can get this asshole off his island. I don’t really have much choice, do I? “Fine, you can stay here, but only until your arm is healed. Do you understand? As soon as it’s healed, you fly like hell out of here.” “Really? Thank-” “BITCH DON’T THANK ME!!!” “BITCH I DO WHAT I WANT!!!!” Well… this can only go well. FUCK MY LIFE!!!! “Anyways, you stay the fuck away from my home, and you go get yo fat ass out of my islandur own shit. Understand?” “Well…” “Well what?” says Rodan with a sinking feeling in his stomach. “Well… remember how I said I can’t fly?” “...Yes, what abo-” “I can’t catch my own food unless I can fly…” Rodan just stares at her, dumbfounded. “...what?” “I said-” “No I heard what you said… but… why?” “... I can’t remember how…” “...You… are quite literally… the most useless titan I’ve ever met in my entire life.” “BITCH I COULD WHOOP YOUR ASS IF I HAD MY MEMORIES BACK!!!” “Da fuq you talkin about?” “I can’t remember anything. All I know is that over time I’ll get stronger in 2 spurts… and I’ll get my memories back by the 2nd one.” “...And how do you know this?” “Plot convenience.” “What?” “Instinct.” “Oh… BUT I AIN’T YOUR DAMN PERSONAL SERVANT, GO GET YOUR OWN FOOD!!!!” “... How about this… if you don’t get me food, I’ll just eat those humans from that human colony you mentioned!” “You wouldn’t dare-” “BITCH I DO AS I PLEASE!!!” Rodan stops to consider this. He doesn’t really care about humans, but… he doesn’t want to see this colony go. Whenever he wakes up and spreads his wings, the humans just stare in awe, and when he flies to the ocean they keep that stare. When he catches something small, they applaud him and cheer him on. They make him feel good. What’s doing some extra hunting to keep his ego intact? On the plus side, he’ll get even more cheering from the little shits. “If you touch those humans while I’m gone, I WILL kill you. You hear that?” “Alright. Now go get me something. I’m kinda craving-” “BITCH I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU’RE CRAVING, I AIN’T NO DAMN PERSONAL SERVANT.” And with that, Rodan flies off, trying to get her food as fast as possible so he doesn’t have to deal with her for the rest of the day.
Meanwhile, Wraith contemplates over the events that just transpired. Fucking Lava Bird. Or lava “Pterosaur”, whatever the fuck that is. I can’t believe that threat actually worked though. Why the fuck does he care about humans so much tho lol. Wraith chuckles to herself as Rodan flies off. That’s right, lava bitch, go get me some orca.
Rodan flies off. He has a feeling she wants an orca, so that’s what he’s going to get for himself. For her, he’s going to get her the grossest, most foul tasting creature he can get everyday so that it prompts her to leave faster. He has the perfect thing in mind… though it’s going to be tedious to collect enough to satisfy a titan’s appetite, and he’s going to have to dive very deep in order to find them. Finally, he can see the perfect place to dive. Very deep, but still close enough to shore that humans can see him and cheer him on…
Finally. How hard is it to catch an orca? Wraith stares as the lava bitch brings the orca to shore in his talons. He drops the orca on the sand and lands by Wraith. “Yeah! Orca time mother-” Suddenly, Rodan opens his mouth and drops an absolute shit ton of anglerfish, viperfish, and giant isopods. “Hold your horses. The orca’s mine. You get these lovely things.” Rodan then walks towards his orca, dying of laughter on the inside. Wraith looks down at her meal. Seriously? What a fucking dick. But it’s better than nothing. She takes a bite out of the mess of creatures and stops. “HOLY SHIT!!!!! THIS STUFF IS DELICIOUS!!!!!” Rodan looks up from his meal and stares, shocked that apparently that stuff tastes good. Please don’t say they taste better than an orca. Please don’t say they taste better than an orca. PLEASE DON’T SAY THEY TASTE BETTER THAN AN ORCA!!!! “Damn, this shit is the best food I’ve ever had! It even tastes better than an orca!” GOD DAMN IT!!!! Please don’t say thank you. Please don’t say thank you. Please don’t say thank you. PLEASE DON’T SAY THANK YOU!!!!!! “Thanks Rodan!!!” And with that, Wraith continues eating with gusto. “Say, where did you even find this stuff?” Rodan is at a loss for words. After a few surprised and confused quacks before he finally says, “... Near the bottom of the ocean, you have to dive really deep for them. It also gets pretty dark…” “Thanks again Rodan! This is some serious gourmet shit!” I asked for ONE thing today. ONE FUCKING THING!!! WHY DOES NOTHING EVER GO RIGHT?!!! Damn, I’m starting to sound like Godzilla… Meanwhile, Wraith continues her feast. Damn! That was really nice of him to go so deep for such delicious fish! Guess he’s not as much of a dick as I thought. As if though Rodan could hear what she was thinking, FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!! GOD DAMN IT FUCKING SHIT!!!! FUCKING BLOODY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHG*YOUKBUIBKLNOUILDBOIWURHFWIOLUHFORWIHBLHFPIFH!!!!!!!!! Rodan eats the rest of his orca as fast as he can and flies away. There is literally no bright side to this situation. I’m going home.
This is literally no downside to this situation! Man, I never wanna leave!
"If people weren't lazy, we'd get nothing done," TheLazyFish, January 30, 2019.
Well of course you would, Goji
"If people weren't lazy, we'd get nothing done," TheLazyFish, January 30, 2019.
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